Why Feelings Are The Competitive Edge You're Missing—And How To Make Room For Them

Author

Charlene Li
August 19, 2024

Feelings are not “feminine.”

Feelings are what create connections and safe spaces at work—and beyond. 

When I first started speaking, I was told I had to speak a certain way: The “dude” way. 

Get on stage. 

Emphasize the topic’s importance. 

Pretend you know everything.

Be loud and dominate.

I was miserable!

So I disrupted things and started talking about my feelings. I shared my experience as a short, Asian woman trying to break into the thought leadership business dominated by tall white men. I talked about how I fought to fit in and how I had few role models who looked like me.

That’s when I came alive. That’s when I finally broke through.

I have to be honest: It wasn’t easy! The first time I shared so openly and highlighted how different I am, I felt incredibly vulnerable. 

(As if being alone on a stage wasn’t enough!)

But it was worth it. People started approaching me after my speeches. They told me how they’d never heard someone share a story and emotions that so closely mirrored their own. 

(Tellingly, it’s usually women and people of color who approached me to say that after I shared my story!)

But here’s the thing: It’s not really about feelings. It’s about being vulnerable and taking a risk by showing up as who we really are.

Our work benefits from this mindset and behavior as our perspective and solutions to problems open up to new possibilities. So how do we encourage everyone to be vulnerable and their full selves? How do we create safe spaces at work?

Let’s start by recognizing that it’s difficult for women to be vulnerable at work, even if we tend to be naturally good at it.

I often find that the people who object most strongly to showing emotion at work are women. That’s because, historically, it’s been dangerous for us! We’ve had so little permission to express our feelings at work. And our training and our instincts tell us it’s not safe to show a moment of weakness.

What can our teams and leaders do to make vulnerability and emotional openness be safe for all genders? 

Men must lead the way.

What do I mean by that? I know some facilitators encourage older white men in leadership positions to share first in group settings. If a man shows his feelings, he’s saying, “Hey, I’m opening up, and I’m still strong.” When people in authority model this way, they create a safe space where being vulnerable isn’t a weakness. 

And the companies who recognize this—who successfully remove the taboo and focus on feelings, vulnerability, and relationships at work––will have an incredible competitive advantage.

I’m curious what you think. Do you agree? Do you feel safe being vulnerable at work? Hit reply and let me know!

— Charlene

What I Can’t Stop Talking About: 

  • The importance of rest. Your constant availability isn't making you indispensable. It's making you a bottleneck (and stymying your creativity). If you need a reminder of why you (yes, you!) should take a break, save this—and then go schedule some PTO.  

  • The future of AI agents. They're organizing our emails, scheduling our meetings, and even making decisions on our behalf. It's natural to feel unsettled, even threatened—but there’s so much to be excited about, too. Here’s how our roles will evolve in the era of AI agents. 

  • The power of failure. Many leaders feel they have to be right all the time. But dismissing new ideas because you fear failure only hinders your progress. Plus, if you don't believe in change and disruption, neither will your teams. Disruption requires us to reflect on our relationship with failure. What does it look like for you? 

My Latest: 

  • Catch up on my webinars! You can still review the slides and recordings of my two new webinars. In “Unlocking The Power of Generative AI,” I explain how to set up a generative AI “playground,” three ways to elevate your leadership with step-by-step instructions, and the broad outlines of creating a strategy. In “Developing a Winning Generative AI Strategy for Competitive Advantage,” I walk through the steps needed to create a cohesive AI strategy. 

  • Get updates on my forthcoming book. If you’re reading this, you are the target audience for my new book, Winning with Generative AI. Sign up for updates and early access and join my exclusive LinkedIn launch community.

  • Unlocking AI's true value. Beyond writing social media posts or generating code, AI's real power lies in its ability to analyze, automate, and optimize. In Leading Disruption, I break down AI's three key value areas: optimizing customer experience, transforming internal operations, and developing new business models. Learn how to identify and prioritize AI initiatives for your organization.

  • Want to know the best way to close the AI knowing-doing gap? I’ll spill the beans here (and then dive into details soon!): Enlist your executives. Join me Tuesday, August 20 at 9 a.m. PST/12 p.m. EST for my next livestream, where I'll be talking about why it’s so important to get your top leaders on board—and how best to do so. Catch me on LinkedIn and Facebook Live! 

My Upcoming Appearances:

If you want me to speak at an upcoming event or conduct a workshop with your executive team, please drop me a note at [email protected]. 

If this information was helpful, there’s plenty more!

Join me at Elevate by Future of HR, a 3-week virtual program for next-gen HR leaders. The program dates are October 8-10, 15-17, 22-24, and registration is open. You can sign up here.

Thank you for subscribing to The Big Gulp Newsletter, which goes out to thousands of disruptors every other week to help you on your disruption journey—plus a curated recommendation list of the things I can’t stop talking about. 

Want more? Check out my weekly publication, Leading Disruption, on LinkedIn.

Charlene Li

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