Creating Toxic Positivity? Here’s How to Nurture Optimism Instead

“You just have to think positively.”

“Come on. Look on the bright side.”

“Get over it. Everything will be fiiine.”

You’ve probably heard something like this before. Heck, you’ve probably even said some of these things!

But have you ever stopped to think about what you’re saying? And the effect it’s having?

It’s called toxic positivity, and it does more harm than good.

Is it really so bad to be positive all the time?

After all, research shows that positive, happy people are more productive at work.

But the short answer? Yes!

Think about it: How do you feel when someone tells you to “just smile” or “cheer up already?”

Probably dismissed, right?

Toxic positivity ignores negative emotions or problems and invalidates your experience. It says, “Your reality doesn’t matter.”

That’s enough of a problem, but when people are exposed to this day in and day out, they no longer feel comfortable pointing out issues and creating solutions. And at work, when your team isn’t comfortable bringing up challenges and problem-solving, you’re going to have a heck of a time driving disruption!

So, what’s the solution? Nurturing healthy optimism.

How is optimism any different?

To avoid toxic positivity and unrealistic expectations, you must cultivate the right type of healthy optimism.

It’s recognizing that the path forward is going to be hard and there will be challenges, but you’re going to do it anyway because you believe so strongly in the purpose. It’s knowing that you have the right team, the right skills, the right capabilities—and now is the right time to go for it.

It’s creating hope. Not hype.

How can you nurture optimism?

As a leader, you have to create space for emotions—good and bad. But how do you foster the kind of healthy optimism that helps your team overcome obstacles?

You can start by:

• Creating a culture of gratitude. When you practice gratitude, you’re naturally cultivating optimism. If people constantly express gratitude and appreciation for one another, that feeling builds. Suddenly, the energy becomes, “Hey, we believe in this team and we believe we can overcome any obstacle standing in our way.”

• Giving feedback. When you see signs of toxic positivity, speak up! This can be tough because getting (and giving!) feedback isn’t always comfortable. Try saying something like: “I really appreciate the support you’re giving me. Can I tell you something I’ve noticed about the dynamic we have?” Then share a specific example. Clearly state the situation, the behavior you observed, and how it made you feel.

• Assessing your tendencies. Maybe you’re the one who always has a positive response. If so, check in with yourself. Ask: “Am I comfortable having conversations around negative emotions? Do I encourage people to speak up and openly share their emotions?” Get honest with yourself and think about how you can create more space for people to voice concerns.

As a leader, you have to find a balance between being optimistic and realistic. We’re all wired differently. Some of us are optimistic, while others see the glass as half empty. But if we want to lead change, not just incremental change but highly audacious, creative, disruptive change, we need to have a vision and a certain degree of optimism that we can get there.

I’d love to hear from you: How do you stay optimistic in the face of change? Or when you’re facing challenges and obstacles?

— Charlene

My Latest:

• Do you know how to navigate the “permacrisis?” Watch my latest livestream or read the newsletter to better understand what the word means—and why it demands disruption.

• How much time is spent rehashing the past in an hour-long postmortem? In my LinkedIn newsletter Leading Disruption, I share six of my best practices for ensuring these meetings don’t fall flat.

• I’m working on my next book and need your help. If your organization is trying to figure out what to do with generative AI, I would love to hear from you. What about the space gets you excited? What opportunities are you exploring? What challenges are you tackling? All responses will be confidential and used only as background for me to better understand the state of generative AI adoption.

• Podcast: I was excited to record an episode of “What’s Your Story” with Matt Story. Matt sits with leaders to explore how their experience as a person of color has helped them in blazing new trails. It was a great opportunity to dig deep and share my journey as a woman of color in business and technology. Find it on Apple, Spotify, Audible or wherever you get your podcasts.

Good Things:

• Book I’m dog-earing: Build a Better Business Book by Josh Bernoff. Disclosure: Josh was my co-author for my very first book and I’m quoted in this one—so I’m biased! That said, I’ve been recommending this book to every aspiring author because Josh walks you through every step of the journey. If you have a book in your belly, it’s time to get it out and on to the page—this book should be your first step.

• Plugin I can’t live without: Grammarly. I’ve used Grammarly for more than five years, and I’ve become a better writer because of it. GrammarlyGo is its new AI writing assistant that’s embedded in Google Docs, Gmail, Microsoft Word, and even LinkedIn. With GrammarlyGo embedded in the app, you don't have to switch to another LLM to write, which makes it a convenient tool for improving your writing. (BTW, GrammarlyGo wrote that last sentence.)

• Bling I’m loving: I just upgraded my iPhone and the salesperson recommended getting camera lens protectors as well as a screen protector. To my delight, they come in all types of different colors—I love the purple glitter! Perfect way to add some fun to my otherwise utilitarian case. These little things make me happy!

Thank you for subscribing to the Disruption Dispatch, which goes out to thousands of disruptors every other week to help you on your disruption journey—plus a curated recommendation list of a few Good Things I’m enjoying.

Want more? Check out my weekly publication, Leading Disruption, on LinkedIn.

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