Are You Brave Enough to Ask Your Friends to Review Your Performance?

Author

Charlene Li
December 04, 2023

As the year ends, many people, particularly those within organizations, are in the thick of performance reviews. ‘Tis the season for self-assessments and appraisals, right?

As with many standardized processes, I’ve found a unique spin on reviews to get the most out of them.

Although most leaders are tasked with having their direct reports and team members fill out 360-degree reviews on them, I take it a step further. I task my friends and family with reviewing me.

I remember when a friend told me he solicited this type of personal feedback. At the time, just two years ago, I thought it was an absurd process. I gave it a go at his encouragement, and I haven’t looked back. Here’s why:

Colleagues are terrible at giving feedback.

As the year ends, many people, particularly those within organizations, are in the thick of performance reviews. ‘Tis the season for self-assessments and appraisals, right?

As with many standardized processes, I’ve found a unique spin on reviews to get the most out of them.

Although most leaders are tasked with having their direct reports and team members fill out 360-degree reviews on them, I take it a step further. I task my friends and family with reviewing me.

I remember when a friend told me he solicited this type of personal feedback. At the time, just two years ago, I thought it was an absurd process. I gave it a go at his encouragement, and I haven’t looked back. Here’s why:

Colleagues are terrible at giving feedback.

I’ve had countless 360-degree reviews done for me throughout my career, and most of them weren’t very helpful. Soliciting candid feedback at work is difficult because we don't want to tell people the hard truths and the relationships aren't necessarily strong enough to take on such an arduous task. Not only that but in most scenarios, the review templates are so generic that there’s no path to uncovering areas where constructive feedback would be appreciated. And it usually covers only one area—work—instead of all aspects of your life.

Friends are excellent at giving feedback.

I send a few select friends a Google form they can fill out anonymously, but most people on my list are more than willing to be candid—and specific. These are the people who know me well. They truly see me and aren’t afraid to tell me the truth—especially when I’ve gone and asked for it! At times, this list includes trusted work colleagues. I’ve also included a few people just getting to know me as they provide a fresh take on who I am today. 

My review has included questions like:

  • What is one or more things that Charlene does that you love?

  • What is one or more things that Charlene does that is annoying or frustrating?

  • When you think of Charlene in good times and bad, what are her core qualities? What are the positive ones? And what are the more challenging ones?

  • How does Charlene communicate with others, and is she an effective communicator?

  • What do you observe about Charlene that seems unsettled?

  • What do you observe about Charlene that seems calm and confident?

  • How does Charlene show up as a friend?

  • Charlene is thinking about exploring XYZ. What advice would you give her? 

And the toughest one of all:

  • What does Charlene need to hear that she probably doesn’t want to know?

Friends have told me that I’m unrealistic and overly optimistic and that I try to do too many things in too short a time. They’ve reminded me that I’m too hard on myself, don’t recognize how productive I am, and don’t appreciate myself enough. One said it’s hard to keep up with what I’m doing because we don’t connect enough. And I’ll never forget what one friend shared: “You don’t realize how powerful you are. You need to exercise that power.”

This personal 360-degree feedback is more valuable than any other performance review or assessment I’ve tried. I’ve only had one or two friends ask for 360-degree reviews in return, but I truly hope this becomes a growing trend. 

You don’t get better by living in your own bubble. I’ve been able to make real changes based on the results—because I can see the world not just through my own eyes but through the lens of the people closest to me. 

It’s vulnerable and empowering all at once. Would you try it?

— Charlene

My Latest:

  • Fun fact: If you add the phrase, “This is important to my career” to your next ChatGPT prompt, research shows you’ll get better results! There’s not just a science to writing good prompts. There’s an art to it, too. As best practices around generative AI inputs and outputs evolve, you’ll want to watch my latest livestream or read my LinkedIn newsletter for tips on crafting the perfect prompt.

  • I recently had a sales leader at an organization approach me and ask, “Can we use generative AI for sales?” Not only can you, but you should be! In Leading Disruption, I explain why all sales leads—whether a rep or a Chief Revenue Officer—can be better equipped on how AI can drive the sales experience. 

  • Exciting news! I’m ready to share the working title of my upcoming book with Katia Walsh. It’s called Threats, Bets & No Regrets: How to Create a Winning Generative AI Strategy. In my next livestream, I’ll give you a sneak preview of the book. Tune in on Tuesday, Dec. 5, at 9 a.m. PT / 12 p.m. ET on LinkedIn and Facebook Live.

  • Can’t wait for updates? Sign up to be notified of all Threats, Bets & No Regrets news, including how to get access to early copies. 

Good Things: 

  • What is making me laugh: Robotsdraw on TikTok. Created by Joshua Schachter, founder of social bookmarking site de.licio.us, the account shows a pen plotter robot making precise sketches—and messing up. Just watch this take on tic-tac-toe. 

  • What inspires me: Magic School. I recently met a junior high math and robotics teacher from rural California, and she was raving about Magic School. She used its specialized AI engine to create a new robotics lesson that conformed to California standards, complete with exercises and grading rubric, saving her countless hours. I’m thrilled when I hear about tech that supports our overburdened teachers.  

  • What I’m advocating for: More women in AI. Looking at a list of the top CEOs of AI companies, it’s an all-boys club. When I attend AI events in the Bay Area, women typically comprise 20 percent of attendees and even fewer as featured speakers. Visibility matters! Time Magazine listed the top 100 people in AI, and 41 are women, which was terrific. What can you do? Pull women into the space. Invite them to attend events. Show them how to use the technology. Encourage them to voice their concerns and show up to represent. Search for “women in AI [city]” to see if there’s a local association—or start your own. And if you come across interesting women-founded AI start-ups, please ask them to ping me so I can support them! 

My Upcoming Appearances:

Thank you for subscribing to the Disruption Dispatch, which goes out to thousands of disruptors every other week to help you on your disruption journey—plus a curated recommendation list of a few Good Things I’m enjoying. 

Want more? Check out my weekly publication, Leading Disruption, on LinkedIn.

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Charlene Li

If you found this note helpful, please forward and share it with someone who needs the inspiration today. If you were forwarded this, please consider subscribing.